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Saturday, 17 September 2016

The fifty shades butchers shop...

Well its been a long time since I did a serious blog and this isn't so, its a light hearted, sensual blag at the popular fifty shades, of which women have gone crazy for, hysterical for and well...thought I might try and jump the band wagon. So if you are that way dirty minded then perhaps this butcher shop idea just might, just might...well you read and make your own mind up. Written on a whim of a social media thread when at a time I was suffering deeply with depressive mind and anxiety and this on that one evening certainly enlightened my mood.
This is how it went...there were four of us in this convo:
A new butcher's is opening up in Mill Hill. It’s going to be called the Fifty Shades Butchers Shop...you will be able to get some raw beef with whip marks, or try a jumbo sausage for size. Alternatively, the sausages will also come in black and are much bigger and succulent. There will be some lovely thighs and firm breasts and for those who cannot afford much there will always be the choice of a greasy bone.

And I take it this is all prepared fresh at your house Mike?? served over the front hedged garden with you own slippery hand!!! Lol

it will be all served in full black leather skin tight suits and chains...

Will you sell the famous Deals very own Fur Burger???? Lol

Oh yes...lol

And Beef Curtain Casserole????

It will come with a free chipolata

there will be plenty of rump apparently

Mick !! this is Butcher porn, don’t get dragged into it !! lol

Said the filling to the mincer Steve!!!

Women will love the shop...I will have to employ MW as the stud manager. We will be rich very, very soon...LOL


Beyond our wildest wives’ wallets, we will mike!!! let’s do it!!! lol

none of those whites and butcher stripes and trilby’s...we will have chains and safety pins on our nipples and piles and lily pad leaves.

I'll supply the piles mike!!! lol

  • (my gosh, what was I thinking of...PILES!)

there will be a lot of humping to ensure the shop is fully stocked

I am a big fan of the spatch-cock chicken. but there are limits !! :-)

Are we weighing in pounds and ounces or the kinky French kilos???

There will be no spring chickens...

there will be plenty of weighing, just remember who weighed the milkman! Best do both measures because there will be a lot given out.

who weighed the milkman !!! this is getting seriously weird lol

Is this really FREE advertising? or do we do Nipple Twisting in part exchange mike! and is that Tax Exempt?

We'll also need good security because someone might want to Bash ya Back Door in mike!!!

don’t worry it be shackled in chains like the rest of the shop. We will have to have some big choppers so we can just whip out for the housewives.

don’t even mention a five bird roast mick !! that could go really wrong!!!!!

Sounds good Steve! that's the local Footballers sorted on Sundays!!! lol

We would have guests like rock stars for a good ole sausage rock and roll...
(at this point I had to edit out any mention to a certain former 70's glitter star)

Now back to slapping the fat about a bit!! lol

we would have to sell venison cos everyone likes a good old dear

anyway ... I think I might go to Morrison’s for my next fillet steak !

we will be able to do strips for those who ask and offer plenty of lean back...

Takes the bruising out of the Testicle Clamping Steve!! lol

and for those who are that way inclined there will be plenty of salami...

Don't slice it mike! there arses are not money boxes!!! lol

tooooooooo much for me !!!!! i am going vegetarian !!!!! thanks Michael

We could also do a side line of good sized cucumbers and big bananas and firm carrots for Steve

why o why did I comment on this? I’ve been trying for years to get people off veg and onto meat what are you playing at mike!!!! lol

Yep the Fifty Shades of Grey Butchers Shop will serve plenty of birds...

our butcher's bike will have a big basket at the front and will be a tandem in case any want a good old ride...

With no Saddles and loads of Cobbled streets lol

Have to go uphill... so when we are near the top we can scream yes, ohhh yes, I am nearly there.... oh, oh, Oh I am there.... that’s the last time I ride up Mill Hill. lmfao

(now here you need to go and listen to the lyrics of song by Chris Hill...its a bloody good laugh)

...our only customer has gone...didn’t matter he were a redhead...

I'll be in the front basket singing Fly me to the moon mike!!! I can't ride a bike anymore lol!!!!

(now the next two lines one must put on a good Italian accent...the pronunciation...then you will get the joke...der) 

would we sell pizzas as some like a good ole pizza on?????

and would we sell meaty snacks with a good ole fork...???????????? pmsl

I can see I’ll have trouble getting you back out of the saveloy and jumbo Sausage chiller!!! we might never see you again!!! lol

some of our meats would already come marinated or well creamed....

They will if I don't keep you on a tight leash young man!!! lol

and of course our sausages would have four skins so that our customers may peel them back...

well I think we have advertised our idea of the woman’s ideal butcher's shop...now just to wait and see who likes it if not all the stock will go off and it won’t be the shop being Fifty Shades of Grey it will be the meat as well...if that happens we will have to call it Azda's Finest Meats.

The Bike could be the main attraction though mike!! think Bradley Wiggins might cut the ribbon on Wide Opening Day??? lol

You could spray your Box Gold in his honour!!! lol

yep we would blast out Queen's Bicycle Song...those fat bottom girls are riding today, so look out for those beauts all year...

Do you think the girls might want to get involved with their cakes mate?

sausages and creamed cupcakes...you might have a good business idea there!!!!!!

I am going now to catch up on EastEnders...I want to be rich as Ian Beale...watch this space!?!? lol

OK Mike I’ll run this business idea past Tracey and see wot she thinks!! got to round up the puppies now mate keep safe and don't put ya tongue in the mincer mate!!! later!!

you forgot to add soft tender beef curtains lmao  (now this was from a female friend...no offence, seriously but soon after the convo of this thread stopped. Either we were just in fits of laughter or our wives had dragged us to bed...lol)

yep we would love to do them as well...big ones and small ones.

And there forth the thread ended...and I had an enjoyable time in bed...lying, well wouldn't you want to know.

Good bye, God bless