Why can't you see when I am ill...(part six)

Yes, I got out...decided to walk away from paid employment. Toughest decision I had ever had to make but got there from talking with my family, friends, doctor and professionals. Oh yes, got a big pay-out, deservedly so, should have taken them for more...bastards!

For almost a whole year my life felt like crap, never was I at such a low ebb. I had great support from my wife...claiming the right benefits it was when we had to go to assessment I knew this was going to be tough...took them weeks to get back with an answer...I had been told whatever I do I would probably have to appeal...that was always the way! But, the reply was taking ages...perhaps I had just been ignored.

And then it came...a big fat NO...you're alright...what the fuck? My wife said you're not appealing you wont be able to cope...I think she was probably right, the system was too slow so I had to sign on for Jobseeker...almost a year on from being ill we needed much more help.

Within six weeks I landed a job at a model train maker in Margate...was not sure how I would cope but the work was so relaxed I was overwhelmed with relief and disbelief. Why aren't all companies like this...however, the work was only temporary and I knew that after Christmas it would come to an end. But that was to be another hurdle.

After Christmas the pressure was on again. I could feel it all around me...had to sign on Jobseeker again and this time reality began to bang home. Due to mix up of letters, I was knocked for six and under pressure I almost cracked...and maybe I would have but for amazing friends and family.

Feel like a nobody...have been told will not qualify for JSA despite my recent work having just ended and now have no income. Cannot live on Christine's wage alone. I now wish I hadn't been ill...all I have done is let my kids and wife down...right now all my respect for life has just gone out of the window but I am too weak and a coward to end my life and I love my family to bits. I admire Christ...ine and all her hardworking, proud of Kelly and her achievements, wish Natalie the best at her snobby school and get great pleasure in watching Lewis play his rugby. I hate being depressed all I want is a job where there is no stress and I can just plod away. Fuck you Tilmanstone! I am sure the life you ruined was worth more than £10000. So what do I do now? I have applied for jobs, posted out my own desire to work on my own doing gardening, created a community page in Class of '79, annoyed you all with my puns on Facebook...but right now it seems pointless to ask for anymore because stupid legislation states I am not entitled to anything...it's not my fault is it?


Yes, I blurted it all out on Facebook...a big scream for help. Couldn't face talking it out with my loved ones...yet I didn't expect this kind of response...more so expected to get slagged off...I could see myself moving on, my family did not need me, that's how I felt and that's what I would have done had it not been for their replies...

Tony Mc: You have not let anyone down mate. The system needs changing to help respectable people like you

Mick J: Chin up mate - you're white, English and married - you're part of the biggest minority in the country, but the only ones who have to work for a living!

Dan B:This country is harsh to people who have worked hard all there life, its a disgrace, remember something good comes out of something bad. Stay positive mate.

Steve C: Be strong Micheal , at our age a massive kick in the goolies of life is to be expected , you are surrounded by friends who like you and family who luv you

Natalie: Love you daddy, you have not let us down, we love you regardless a job/qualifications or illness were you family, love you xx

Mick J: See Michael. Family is the most important thing. Life can be unfair and a struggle unless you've played the system all your life, but with a supportive family you can face it all together. We have to watch every penny, but we are surrounded by scroungers who don't work yet have 50 inch widescreen TV's and always seem to have 20 quid to spend on scratchcards. You're not on your own in this, and your family will love and support you through the difficult times

Tracey W: dont let them get you down,you have a lovely loving family you dont need any more. something will turn up. stay stronge xx

Russell E: This is a small chapter of your life Michael, you already have many achievements and you will get through this and come out the other side a much stronger person.

Angela A: Stay strong mate. U ave friends there for u and a family who love u no matter what. Chin up and smile xx

Claire E: I'm sure your family do not feel you have let them down! Keep your chin up. Xxx

Irene Mac: Hey Michael - you are very brave to have poured your soul and suffering on here, and it can be hard to see the positives when you face set backs in an unfair welfare system, but do take heed of what everyone has said on here . Keep on looking ahead - doors (and gardens) will open to you. For what it's worth am sending you a bloody Big hug. Xxx

Me:  I applied online for a job for B&Q...it was the worst experience of my life felt like I was doing an exam for physiology or something...

Kelly:  Don't worry daddy! It will all be ok :) love you loads!x X x

Jamie T:  Here-here to all earlier comments & you clearly have the most important things: a great wife & children to be proud of. Something WILL turn up but you have to keep chipping away keep those big shoulders up. I'm sure I speak for all of your local Facebook community when I say that I will be on the lookout for opportunities for you my friend.

Bart B: G'day Michael, spring is upon us and all the gardens need attention very soon. Get some flyers out now and the work will come flooding in very soon. The uk is very tough for jobs, hence the reason why we made the move. Your family loves you mate.....

Jamie T: Hey big man, make sure you load a bit of extra fuel money if you quote for Bart's garden.

Me: Yes I charge A tenner per hour plus a return flight to Oz...

Bart B; You will need a ride on mower and don't forget your Akubra . Could always get you to bag up horse poo to fill in your time. You will get those muscles back from those weight training days.

Jamie T: What the F...? Abracadabra?

Bart B C'mon Jamie, you should now that. I don't want Michael burning his head.

Jamie T: Oh, I see.

Bart B: Just put a few corks around it to stop the flies, a bottle of water and he will be well away

Bart B: Might need you to put a few go fast stripes on it Jamie too

Jamie T: Happy to help. Think I'll put the stripes on Michael instead!

Me: Hey you two stop chin wagging on my sympathy vote...

Jamie T; You do know that Bart never really went to Pz, don't you? He moved to the Isle Of Sheppy but was too embarrassed to admit it. Oz sounded a bit more exotic.

Tracey M: I agree with Bart loads of gardens will be needing attention & you just need to promote yourself with business cards flyers & Facebook & get your name out there.


Yes, my wife, my family and my friends rallied me to think straight...doctors to get more meds, out for walks with Tamba...all I had to do was stay positive. I started to post myself as a gardener, and did this repeatedly, everyday until at last, at long last I had a call...

to be continued...