Yes, Spring is starting and if you did not plant any bulbs in early winter of 2014 then you probably have no pretty flowers making their way into the world. The first flowers you might see are more than likely snowdrops...and believe it or not someone paid a hefty sum for one particular, unusual type. Another spring flower you would see are crocuses...beautiful, vibrant colour and when catching the sun, pose well for a photo.
And so in taking the above, the most wonderful feeling is to share the joy with others on a site such as Gardeners' World...and of another similar shot we shared, the joy was felt by many. Seeing all those likes gave me a lift and hope for a good season ahead...it gets you noticed!
But the joy is not always good, when the weather turned and I was not able to work because of rain then my lift from high is like a big fall of a cliff...despairing at the lost therapeutic deliverance of gardening and, oh of course, the obvious income to survive.
One of the more uplifting moments is when working for a client, whom you find so many similarities in their and one's own path of life. They have tales such as yours, different woes, but the same end result...one tends to find empathy but empathising too much can be bad and drift one away from a steady path. So getting back to reality is to find that someone, a client, whom trusts in you and gives you a motivating lift as of the client whom took the pic below, having hired myself to treat the fence.
Cheap paint, cheap brushes...in fact almost everything from Poundland...boots from second-hand shops, nick knacks from charity chops, and hey presto with a few wood screws the fence is transformed into something of focused interest. And by posting these to my social media page gave me sense of achievement.
...limited cash flow...
It is great, getting those moments, they make you feel good about yourself, but as I have mentioned when the weather is against you then the fall is a long way down and too many times I have not wanted to pick myself up and get on with what I am doing best...or at the least ought to be doing.
Another thing against me is the limited cash flow, we are on a budget of survival, bills to pay, kids to please and time and cost for ourselves and a small time business that is crying out for ready investment, an investment I don't have...I just don't bloody have it! And in suffering anxiety and depression it makes it just a little harder...yes I smoke...but the smoking helps the relief but then so does the activity of gardening.
As my close friend says, my business model appeals to those with low income or might perceive the cost of gardening as expensive but I need investment to purchase better tools and replacements and of course service my car. He points out the opportunity cost of smoking but knows too well that such a habit suppresses my anxiety...get a hobby he says. Could I grow plants to sell as an added side-line? Could I make wooden ornaments for the garden?
With my limitations I would have to be very resourceful...perhaps this year will be a time of change be it forced or learnt. Stay with me, pray with me, help me stay on this path...only I can dig away depression. I need my wife, my family, my friends...it is them I must protect. I can do it! So show me your support and help me flourish like a garden for I am me!
God Bless and Amen.