Reasons for a protest vote....

In a week or so the country will be voting in the European Elections and I like the majority of those who will vote, I am voting UKIP, yes UKIP!!!! Argh!, I hear you say, you bloody racist, scum of the earth, how unthinkable, it's a one man band. Well, that maybe so, but what else is one meant to do in these elections. I mean, Europe, it's just one big political mess and a gigantic, bureaucratic nightmare which serves only to destroy local customs and allow European migrants to take local jobs. And it costs us money! There said it, that was one big political statement. Backlash, yes! I expect there will be some from those who know better than I do.

Well lets lay out my reasons for a UKIP vote.

• Firstly, I am British: that is born and bred Englishman, Scot or Welshman.
• I have a typical accent and do not understand Manchurian and get confused when I hear Geordie, or Gaelic accents...."You wot?"
• I love our Queen and would wave a flag at her.
• and if she came to my house she have to drink from a mug.
• I have a birth certificate and have no idea where it is.
• I have never had a bloody good holiday in Spain.
• I think Butlin's is brilliant.
• I adore fish and chips but do not understand why anyone north of Watford would want gravy as well.
• I  believe in strict food hygiene and not all this halal malarkey.
• Yes I have been to church.
• Still refer to my buying of milk as pints and not litres.
• Clearly ask for a pint in a pub in France and not this small or large talk. "you wot?"
• Wonder why if I have never had a passport for the last ten years how the heck am I supposed to prove I am British. Of course I am...do I sound foreign???? Der!
• I know that Slough is not pronounced "Sluff" but [ sur-la-how ] yet rough is pronounced "ruff" and bough is bow????? and certainly know that phlegm is "flem" and not "plem". Get my drift???
• I am a Labour voter but detest Mr Blair for taking us to war in Iraq.
• I detest the Conservatives but have secret admiration for Maggie.
• Thatcherism is the blame for everything...including why Man Utd did not win the Premiership this season.
• Thatcherism is still around today and will be so even if Labour were in power.
• Nowt has changed in the last 20 years of politics.
• Dover is full of foreigners
• What use to be a business employing local lads and lasses now seems to be a local employer employing Latvian, Polish, Slovak, and now Hungarian and soon Romanian lads and lasses...no wonder I got ill with stress....no one understood me!!
• There is more to this list but I cant be bothered to research them all...
• So lastly, I know being in Europe is important for business and the economy but do I really care about the politics...well strictly speaking...no! and as Westminster is no different from the last Parliament my vote goes to UKIP for having the guts to stand up and represent everything I love to moan about...I think...they do...or did I just chuck their manifesto crap in the bin along with the Labour leaflet and the personally addressed leaflet drop from Mr Cameron.

Well that is the case I have presented...I love Britain for I am an Englishman. And just for the sake of it I am going to vote UKIP so to register my protest vote. Now best turn off my foreign made computer, switch on the hob so to cook breakie with the gas that comes from Russia, read the newspaper which is made from trees grown in Norway and look for a job that doesn't ask if I can prove if I have a right to work in the UK....eh?

Amen and God bless.